I m too smart for the first grade

A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Johnny what is your problem?"

Johnny answered, "I m too smart for the first grade. My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade too!"

The teacher had had enough. She took Johnny to the principal's office.

While Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave. The teacher agreed. Johnny was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Johnny: "9".

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Johnny: "36".

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grade student should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Johnny can go to the third grade."

The teacher says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?"

The principal and Johnny both agree.

The teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Johnny, after a moment, "Legs."

Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!

Johnny replied, "Pockets." Now no reactions or special face symbols on Johnny's face. He was so cool!

Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Johnny: "Pants"

Teacher: What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

Now, the principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Johnny was taking charge.

Johnny: Coconut

Teacher: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?

Johnny: Bubblegum

Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?

Johnny: Shake hands

Teacher: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, answer me.

Johnny: Yep.

Teacher: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.

Johnny: tent

Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored.

The best man always has me first.

The principal was looking restless and bit tensed.

Johnny: wedding ring

Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.

Johnny: nose

Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.

Johnny: arrow

Teacher: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of excitement?

Johnny: "Firetruck"

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Johnny in the fifth grade. I missed the last ten questions

What Can you say about these Kids....

Are You My Daddy??

A baby was born so advanced in development he could talk.

He looked around the delivery room and saw the doctor.

"Are you my doctor?" he asked.

"Why, yes, I am," said the doctor.

The baby said, "Thank you for taking such good care of me during the birth."

He looked at his mother and asked, "Are you my Mummy?"

"Yes, dear, I am," said the mother, beaming.

"Thank you for taking such Good care of me before I was born," he said.

He then looked at his father and asked, "Are you my Daddy?"

"Yes, I am," his father proudly answered.

The baby motioned him closer, then poked him repeatedly on the

Forehead with his index finger.

"Hurts, doesn't it!?"

HEART

In a kindergarten class, the teacher asks the class to describe "heart".

The 1st girl raise her hand and stood up and said “heart is red in color".

Teacher praise the girl.

Teacher: “Anyone else can give me another answer?”

Another girl raises her hand and got up and said “heart pumps blood".

Teacher praise the girl.

Teacher: “One more answer?”

A little boy got up and said “heart has legs"

Amused and puzzled, the teacher asks the boy why he said heart has legs.

The boy said: "I was outside my daddy's room last night and heard my daddy said "Sweet Heart, Open Your Legs" You see, heart got legs!!

I RATHER HAVE A PUPPY

A little boy and his dad were walking down the Street when they saw two dogs having sex.

The little boy asks his father, “Daddy, what are they doing?"

The father says, "Making a puppy" So they walk on and go home.

A few days later, the little boy walks in on his parents having sex.

The little boy says "Daddy, what are you doing?

"The father replies, "Making a baby."

The l! ittle boy says "hmmmm, can you please flip Mommy around?

I'd rather have a puppy instead!"

SEX EDUCATION

A Primary School teacher decides to teach sex education to her class.

She starts out by drawing a penis on the chalk board and asks the class,

"Does anyone know what this is?"

And little Johnny says, "Yes, my dad has 2 of them!"

And the teacher says, "Are you sure about that?"

And little Johnny says, "Yes, he uses a small skinny one to go to the bathroom and a big long one to torture my mummy with."

DEAD GOLD FISH

Little Tim was in the garden filling a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?"

"My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, and I've just buried him.

“The neighbor said, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it, Tim?"

Tim patted down the last heap of earth and replied, "That's because I couldn't get him out of your cat."

THE WHOLE TRUTH

At school, a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth".

The boy decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him a $50 note and says, "Just don't tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, And greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father also promptly hands him a $50 note and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door.

The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your FATHER a big hug."

WHISPER

A mother took her little boy to church.

While in church the little boy said, "Mommy, I have to pee."

The mother said to the little boy,

"It's not appropriate to say the word 'pee' in church.

So, from now on whenever you have to 'pee' just tell me that you have to "'whisper.'"

The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his father and during the service said to his father,

"Daddy, I have to whisper."

The father looked at him and said, "Okay, why don't you whisper in my ear."

Management Lesson

Johnny wanted to screw a girl in his office.....but she belonged to someone else...

One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said I'll give you a 1000 dollars if you let me screw you....but the girl said NO. Johnny said I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, I'll be finished by the time you pick it up. She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend.....so she called her boyfriend and told him the story.
Her boyfriend says ask him for 2000 dollars, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down. So she agrees and accepts the proposal.
Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally after 45 mins the boyfriend calls and asks what happened......

She said "THE BASTARD USED COINS!!!"

Management lesson:
ALWAYS CONSIDER A BUSINESS PROPOSAL IN ITS ENTIRETY!

Little Johnny got Jealous

Johnny was in the playground with his friend Jimmy when he noticed the brand new shiny watch Jimmy was wearing.

"Did you get that for your birthday?" he asked.

"Nope," Jimmy replied.

"Well, did you get it for Christmas then?" Johnny asked.

"Nope."

"You didn't steal it did you?"

"No," said Jimmy. "I went into Mom and Dad's bedroom the other night when they were on the job. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me."

Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy's new watch. He vowed to get one for himself.

That night he waited outside his parents' room until he heard the unmistakable noises of lovemaking.

Johnny swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom.

His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and asked him angrily, "What do you want now?"

"I wanna watch," Johnny replied.

"Well, stand in the corner and keep quiet then," said his father

Little Johnny Attending Science Practical

Little Johnny watched the science teacher start the experiment with the worms.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a jar of sperm.
The fourth worm was put into a jar of soil.


After one day, these were the results:

The first worm in alcohol - dead.
Second worm in cigarette smoke - dead.
Third worm in sperm - dead.
Fourth worm in soil - alive.

So the Science teacher asked the class - "What can you learn from this experiment."

Little Johnny quickly raised his hand and said: "As long as you drink, smoke and have sex, you won't have worms!!!"
:) :) :)

Little Johnny attending Roll Call

Check this out…..

A teacher always took roll call each morning and had the pupils' answer by reciting a short poem. The first kid sat in the first row was a teacher's pet. He stood and said, "My name is Dan, and when I become a man, I would like to go to Japan if I can, and I think I can."

The next kid was a little girl who sat in the middle of the room. She stood up and answered the roll call by stating, "My name is Suzy, and when I become a lady I would like to have a baby...if I can, and I think I can."

The next on the list was Little Johnny, a smart guy sitting in the back of the room. He stood up and said, "My name is Johnny, and I don't give a damn about Japan but I would like to help Suzy in her plan if I can and I think I can!