Lipstick in school

According to a news report, a certain school in Garden City, MI was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the washroom.That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. He called all the girls to the washroom and met them there with the maintenance man. He explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, he asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror. THE MORAL OF THIS STORY.. There are teachers, and then there are Educators.

The Bosses Expectation

Why I didn't take GRE...... Hilariours

A NORMAL PERSON: People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.

GRE STUDENT: Individuals who make their abodes in vitreous edifices would be advised to refrain from catapulting perilous projectiles.

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NORMAL PERSON: Twinkle, twinkle, little star.

GRE STUDENT: Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minim.

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NORMAL PERSON: All that glitters is not gold.

GRE STUDENT: All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.

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NORMAL PERSON: Beggars are not choosers

GRE STUDENT: Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted.

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NORMAL PERSON: Dead men tell no tales

GRE STUDENT: Male cadavers are incapable of rendering any testimony.

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NORMAL PERSON: Beginner's luck

GRE STUDENT: Neophyte's serendipity.

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NORMAL PERSON: A rolling stone gathers no mass

GRE STUDENT: A revolving lithic conglomerate accumulates no congeries of small, green, biophytic plant.

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NORMAL PERSON: Birds of a feather flock together

GRE STUDENT: Members of an avian species of identical plumage tend to congregate.

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NORMAL PERSON: Beauty is only skin deep

GRE STUDENT: Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity.

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NORMAL PERSON: Cleanliness is godliness

GRE STUDENT: Freedom from incrustations of grime is contiguous to rectitude.

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NORMAL PERSON: There's no use crying over spilt milk

GRE STUDENT: It is fruitless to become lachrymose of precipitately departed lactile fluid.

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NORMAL PERSON: You can't try to teach old dog new tricks

GRE STUDENT: It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative maneuvers.

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NORMAL PERSON: Look before you leap

GRE STUDENT: Surveillance should precede saltation.

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NORMAL PERSON: He, who laughs last, laughs best

GRE STUDENT: The person presenting the ultimate cachinnation possesses thereby the optimal cachinnation.

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NORMAL PERSON: All work and no play make Jack a dull boy.

GRE STUDENT: Exclusive dedication to necessitous chores without interludes of hedonistic diversion renders Jack a hebetudinous fellow.

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NORMAL PERSON: Where there's smoke, there's fire!

GRE STUDENT: Where there are visible vapours having their provenance in ignited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration.

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In Order Of Stupidity...

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping. (Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???.....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding - "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????....)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time)?

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness..." (and...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what)?

On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Oh my God...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

The Top Ten Weird Dismissals Of Cricket!!

Meet Very kind Layer

One afternoon a lawyer (probably a barrister) was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said.

"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."

"Bring them along," the lawyer replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us, too."

The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"

"Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.

Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high."

Ultimate excuse never heard before. :-)

A guy bought a new Mercedes and was out on Highway 2 for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up.

As the needle jumped up to 140 km/h, he suddenly saw red and blue flashing lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 150, 160...

Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What in the world am I doing?" he thought, and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day," said the cop. "This is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."

The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back."

"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.

Seniors enjoying Chocolate

A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of seniors down a highway, when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.

She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. After approx. 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about eight times.

At the ninth time he asks the little old lady why they do not eat the peanuts themselves, whereupon she replies that it is not possible because of their old teeth, they are not able to chew them.

"Why do you buy them then?" he asks puzzled.

Whereupon the old lady answers, “We just love the chocolate around them."