Is language a problem

Sometimes Language is a problem !!!

This is a true story from the Japanese Embassy in US.

A few years ago, Prime Minister Mori was given some basic English conversation training before he visited Washington and met President Bill Clinton.

The instructor told Mori "Prime Minister, when you shake hands with President Clinton, please say "how are you?". Then Mr. Clinton would say,"I am fine, and you?" Now you should say 'me too'.

Afterwards, we, translators, will do all the work for you." It looks quite simple, but the truth is....

When Mori met Clinton, he mistakenly said "Who Are You?"

Mr.. Clinton was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humour: "Well, I am Hilary's husband haha..."

Then Mori replied confidently "Me too, hahaha.."

Then there was a long moment of silence...

Disorder in the American Courts

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of keeping a straight face while these exchanges were actually taking place.

____________ _________ _________ _________ ____
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS : Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
____________ _________ _________ _______

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan!

____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do.

ATTORNEY: You do?

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

____________ _________ _________ _______

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

____________ _________ _________ ______

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year- old, how old is he?

WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.

____________ _________ _________ _________ _

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you shitin' me?
____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Uh....

____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?

____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Guess.

____________ _________ _________ _______

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?

____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral.
____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

____________ _________ _________ _________ _____

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Huh....

____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.